I don’t hunt-But, I will soon be a Hunter.

Ok.. So, sorry to all of those peeps that read this blog.. that have been left hanging by my last wedding rant post.. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

We are getting married.. SOON.. March 13th to be exact.

We decided to elope! (Can you sense the relief?)

We are also planning a festive little get together this summer in California.
Think Apple Pie & Fireworks.

If you are curious why we are eloping.. read this.

We have actually had SO much fun getting all the little details together.
We just can’t wait to be married!

So just in case you are curious of our progress:

Boy
Suit
Shirt
Tie
Belt
Shoes/Socks
Boutenniere
Wedding Band

Girl
Dress
Veil
Shoes
Necklace/Earrings/Bracelet
Bouquet
Wedding Band

Wedding
Marriage License
Chapel
Photog (?)
Honeymoon Suite
Dinner Reservations
Gifts for the Parentals
Champagne/Cake (?)
Vows: Rob/Christina

HERE WE GO!

5 Days WITHOUT Carbs Can Make a Girl Nostalgic

Why no carbs you ask? See line #2 of Year 26

===============

Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone - OMG – Where has this song been all my life?

In NO WAY does it relate to my current relationship.
BUT.
Let me tell you: I could have used this song during a breakup or two.

Remember all the things we wanted.
Now all our memories our haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.

OK. So, basically every line in the song is amazing. We were laying in the bed of his truck, watching the sky go by. It was as if we were the only two people on Earth. That was the first time that I heard Chris Martin sing Yellow. The night air was freezing, but we were both kept warm by the stirring of new love. I remember looking at him and worrying that the emotions we shared were too much. “It scares me to think of how intense this fire is burning.” I whispered. “I think it’s gonna burn out.”

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in.
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive.
We were always meant to say goodbye.

AND-In the end.. it ended-BAD

I know that back then we loved each other the only way we knew how: A Crazy. New. Young. Intense. Obsessive. Burning. Love.

It’s taken me A LOT of years to look back on my past relationships and be OK that they ended.

I’m OK, you’re OK.

We were never meant for do or die.

We’ll move on.. We’ll fall in love again.

You know that I love you so. I love you enough to let you go.

BUT-He never did let me go. And every now and then he would casually come back into my life.

In fact, the last time I saw him was the very same weekend that I met RWH.

Crazy, huh?

I thought things would be different. BETTER. For a moment.. they were.

That was the weekend when I realized that I had to go. I couldn’t depend on him to be strong enough to say goodbye forever. I couldn’t depend on him to be the one to force me to move on.

And I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better.
But I want you to move on so I’m already gone.

Those steps led me to RWH.
I count that decision as one of the best I have ever made.
I walked away.. into the arms of the love of my life.

===============

Posts to melancholy for you lately? Tough.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Right now I am taking the time and using my words to process through some stuff.

Thanks for continuing to share in the process with me.

For most of my life I haven’t been a very good friend.

******

For the first half… I would like to think that it wasn’t all my fault. You see we moved A LOT.

I would make friends, but then we would move.

Try being the new kid in school a few times and you will realize that you don’t really choose your friends. More or less you hope that someone will feel bad for you or relate to your situation. Pray that someone will choose you as a friend and relieve you of the pressure of trying to find a seat on the bus or a place to sit at lunch time.

******

With my teenage  years came some consistency. I graduated with kids I had known since sixth grade.

But, in those final days of high school, I wasn’t any better off as far as friendships were concerned.

I was dealing with a lot at home. Trying to earn enough units to graduate while slowly working to repair my relationship with my mother. I was dating a guy that didn’t go to my school. We were madly in love and I was trying to come to grips with the fact that I would be moving away from him in a matter of weeks. I was fighting with a couple of my best girlfriends. And basically my group of friends were all going our seperate ways.. as many friends do.

In fact after I stepped off the bus that had brought us home from Grad Night.. I said my goodbyes and for the most part never looked back.

******

That same summer my parents moved to Utah and shortly after my boyfriend and I broke up.

I no longer had a home to return to in the desert.

******

Then I discovered alcohol.*

******

Your friends mostly look different when you are a “party girl”**. They like to party and they like to drink. Looking back I realize that for most of the people that I called my friends back then, drinking was the only thing we had in common. They are people that KNOWINGLY participate in one self-destructing behavior after the next. And, they make damn sure that they are surrounded by people who are choosing to make the same mistakes.

******

I had been frequenting the Irish Mist at least five days a week for as long as I could rememeber. Friends with the owner, the bartenders and the regulars. One night I left and didn’t go back for a long time. Did I get one phone call afterward? No. For all they knew I was dead.. I am not proud to admit that there were months worth of my life that I can’t remember driving home from my haunt.

******

But, there are people who cross your path in dark days that could be your twin. They are the same person.. In the midst of their own dark days.

You keep each other alive.

You still party together. And, while you love them.. You hurt them.

******

Then one day I woke up.

******

I wake up a little more each day.

Waking up means putting the pieces back together.

It really sucks sometimes.

Missing pieces.

Missing people.

******

What I realized is this: I never really learned how to nurture relationships.

Whether it be due to frequent moves/or being a dumb teenager/or a drunk mess/or a self-absorbed 20 something trying to survive…

And so:

I miss my friends from Elementary School.

I miss my friends from High School.

I miss SO many people.

******

I’ve tried to reach out.
I’ve tried to reconnect.

Sometimes.. it’s really hard.

Sometimes.. sorry isn’t sufficient.

Sometimes.. people change.

******

All this to say that I have made SO many mistakes in my life. And, all too often my friendships have paid the price.

Almost daily I stop to reminisce. I stop to miss people.

Then, I reach out to people that still allow me to do life with them.. despite the fact that I am such a flawed person.

I’m sorry for it all.

To all the friends I have loved and lost. I still love you.. and I still feel the loss.

To all the ones I have loved that have not lost hope on me. I love you too.

I’m sorry for it all.

******

*Alcohol is not an excuse for all of the shitty things I have done to people. I take full blame for all of that. But, it played a major role in the trainwreck that was my life for several years.

**That is basically a nice way of telling you that I struggled with alcohol addiction for several years.

**If you choose to read this post, please read it from start to finish
before deciding to leave a comment.**

 

A couple of days ago:

I’m sitting on the couch, surrounded by bridal magazines with my binder & checklist in hand when the news comes on. PBS is reporting on the relief effort in Haiti. On screen are pictures of the wreckage, the wounded and the dead. It’s Total Chaos. All this, as I sit stressing about how I’m going to be able to stretch our tiny tiny budget into the DIY/StyleMePretty/Etsy/Shabby Chic/Eco Friendly/Remember Forever/OMG The Pictures wedding of my “dreams”.

“I don’t even want to have a wedding unless I can do it right. It’s not worth it, if we spend the money just to have it be cheesy.” I’m upset that we don’t have more money to spend.. it would give us more options.. more. more. more.I have access to clean drinking water and food-a-plenty.

I have a job that offers health care, pays a fair wage.
I have money to buy most anything I need or want.
I have documentation that allows me to work and live in this country legally.
I have family and friends who love me, support me and look out for my best interest.
I have a man in my life that loves me. UNCONDITIONALY.

Most people in the world don’t have most of those things.

This is why I have been a total freak since we got engaged. Don’t get me wrong, I’m wasteful. I throw away food. I replace things that aren’t broken.

But, sometimes God puts something on your heart and it rocks your world (all over again). It looks different, but somehow familiar.

Sometimes, when you feel SO SMALL, He gives you BIG ideas.. He shows you ways to make a personal stand. Ways that you can help, with the humble talents and treasures you have.

If we spend thousands of dollars on a wedding.. Will we be married the next day? Yes.

But, what if we take the same money (cash only, this is not counting all the debt we were going to incur) and elope? We will be able to pay off a couple bills, put some in savings, go on a short but sweet honeymoon and then pledge a portion of that money along with our time to an organization that is making a difference in our world.. Will we be married the next day? Yes.

And, maybe some day soon we will join our family and friends in celebration of our marriage. Maybe we’ll eat and laugh and dance. Maybe I’ll even wear a white dress. But, AS OF THIS MOMENT – TODAY: I can’t reconcile my heart with the idea of spending all our spare money and time to plan a day that will be all about us, when there are so many people (including Americans) that don’t know where there next meal will come from.**

One things for sure, I want to marry this man. And, we are going to figure out what that looks like together.. one step at a time. Bridal Magazines Not Included.

*Please don’t assume that I think my thoughts should replace yours. These are just the musings of one girl who has recently become extremely turned off by the messages that many of the people working in the wedding industry try to sell brides. And, I know there are some amazing people that work in the wedding industry that are truly excited to be able to make people’s dreams come true. I just have a problem when people try to tell me what my dreams should be.

**If you are still reading this, thank you for taking the time to hear me out. I have loved every wedding I’ve ever been to. Some of them were VERY expensive. But, they have all been celebrations of love, commitment and shared community. I hope that I don’t offend anyone. This is just me now. A little neurotic. A little confused. A little stressed out. And, sometimes guilty (and embarrassed) that I get to live in this country of ours. Clueless about how I can make a difference. Most of us have SO much, and yes many people give a lot of it away. But, in the two thirds world, there is always need, not just when devastation occurs. And what could our time be doing that our money isn’t? I love you for reading this and taking me as I am. A flawed, passionate, imperfect and most often too opinionated child of God.

20 Things I learned last year:
1. Heat is heat. 2. Bite your tongue. 3. Hampsters bite. 4. Change can be good. 5. I am strong. 6. Ben & Jerry’s can ease the ache of homesick. 7. Ben & Jerry’s can make it hard to fit into your jeans. 8. It’s hard to keep in touch with people. 9. Visits from friends make a person feel SO special. 10. Extend grace to people.  11. Cry when you need to cry. If you don’t have an explanation why, that’s your explanation. 12. Puppies at work on Friday’s causes total chaos.. but also BIG smiles. 13. The word fiance is kinda obnoxious. 14. Buy Christmas presents online. Really. It makes life SO much easier. 15. Let people be excited for you. 16. Don’t be so sensitive. 17. It’s OK to stand up for yourself. 18. It’s better to give than to receive. 19. Let it go. 20. When you feel like a failure, remember where you’ve been.

10 Things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Being Mrs. Hunter. 2. True Blood. 3. Volunteering. 4. Babies. 5. New Friendships. 6. Vacations. 7. Angels Spring Training. 8. Weddings.  9. Turning 27. 10. Another chance to get it right.

Happy New Year.

Stay Tuned. I WILL post more consistently in 2010.

Resolutions? I have a lot to do before I turn 27. 

(Boo)(hoo)(hoo)ings of ThatOneGirl

There are people that have WAY more going on then I do.

But, never the less… I have hit a rough patch. And things are kinda sucky right now, even though they shouldn’t be. Good news is that I have people in my life that won’t let me linger in the suckiness for too long.

I don’t feel like blogging.

So, instead I bring you this:

{Courtesy of Awkward Family Photos}

Attention TBS – !

Meet the Browns is SO not Everybody Loves Raymond.

YES – I currently have the series DVDs listed on my Kaboodle. BUT – There are A LOT of weekdays between now and Christmas.

BRING BACK Raymond!

Thank You.

It’s Friday… It’s been a loong week and I needed this. Maybe it will help to renew your spirit too.

P.S. I’m engaged.

For months now I have been replaying a scene in my head from a mystery (to me ’cause I can’t recall the title) 80’s movie.

The scene (the way I remember it): Little cassette tape sized robots fly out of the wall tiles in a greasy diner… I think the diner is located in New York City or Chicago… or somewhere. And, I seem to remember Wilford Brimley playing a part in the movie. Any guesses?

Scroll down for the UPDATE!

 

 

Rachael saved my life the other day when in the middle of lunch she exclaimed: “the movie you were thinking of is Batteries Not Included!” Do you remember this 80’s gem?

You can bet that as I type this I am multi-tasking by searching NetFlix to see if they have this DVD available… and YES! yes they do have it and I have added it to my queue!

Movies most like Batteries Not Inlcuded!?
Howard the Duck
Cocoon I & II
Short Circuit
Critters
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

I think an 80’s movie marathon weekend is in my future!

P.S. Sadly, Wilford Brimley is not in this particular feature…

JUST IN CASE: You thought that last post was too mopey*

Yes, I miss SO much about california.

Yes, this move has been HARD.

Yes, I am often occasionally bummed out… when I get in a funk and choose to reminisce and be whiney instead of pulling myself out of said funk.

BUT

I WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

MAJOR life changes are all just part of growing up. I don’t think we ever stop growing up. Right now I am experiencing growing pains. MAJOR life changes are beautiful. In the moment they stretch you and test you and leave you feeling TOTALLY out of control. But, every trial ends eventually. And, we are BETTER for having persevered! Yes, there have been times when I have been sad. In fact, I know that I will continue to be sad at times. But, there hasn’t been a SINGLE moment when I asked myself; “what have I done?” NOT once.

Arizona is where I WANT to be. Arizona is where I NEED to be. Arizona is LOVE.

Orange County is where I began my “big girl” journey and I cling to a TON of amazing people and awesome memories from my time there.

BUT, the OC is where I had my heart broken for the first time. The OC is where I cared for my Nanny, lost my Nanny, grieved my Nanny and memorialized my Nanny. The OC is where I got into a car accident that cost me a best friend and my jeep. The OC is where I struggled through depression, alcohol addiction and too many bad decisions to count. The OC is where I found my Father and lost my Father… in one day. We had a great run, my city and me… but in relationships, when you are no longer able to separate the good from the bad.. you take a break. you take some time. to think. time is good. But, I’ll be back. I know we’ll be together again…

*his blog is a place where I come when I need to vent. This blog is a place where I come when I need to reflect. This blog is a place where I come when I need to dump my feelings. Generally, after my visit I feel A LOT better. I am sorry if I don’t visit here in a happy mood more often.